What, we’re doing this again. Just a few weeks ago, we went over all the ways you could break into your filing, reminding you all the while that you’d be better off calling us. But you, oh you know it all, you’ve decided that you’re going to do it yourself because you just don’t want to be bothered taking the few minutes it would take to dial our number. Seriously it’s 513-241-2614, I bet you could dial that faster than I can finish this bag of potato chips. (but just barely, because seriously I’m hungry) Your bathroom still hasn’t been fixed after that viking gerbil funeral, but instead you’re going to invest your time in some of these silly ideas. Well, fine then. Here we go with some new suggestions for you.

• Use a bobby pin- You read a Philip Marlowe book once, you know how this is done. Start by doing your best Humphrey Bogart impression, maybe say the word “Dame” a few times to get into character. Make sure you’re wearing a trenchcoat and a fedora, and pretend you’re getting evidence about some gangster’s construction company who’s sister’s brother’s wife faked her death to steal the Maltese Falcon. Shove a bobby pin in there, heck shove two in. Then twist them around and look around like you’re afraid you’re going to get caught. This is almost certainly going to jam the lock and make sure that even if that gerbil were to return to life right now, coming back from it’s rodent themed Valhalla, and present you with the key, you still couldn’t get in. We, on the other hand, have specialized in all kinds of locks over the years. Our CEO, Chuck Woods, recently cracked the safe at the Hilton Hotel in Cincinnati without ever needing to drill. (Seriously, read about it here ) But you obviously can pretend you could figure this out on your own. After all, it’s not like you’d rather be doing something more productive with your day than getting frustrated at a lock you really have no idea what to do with, right?

• Explosives -  Okay, no. Seriously. You aren’t really thinking about this, right? I mean, yeah you’re frustrated with this thing, and you certainly have some anger issues to work out here, but blowing it up couldn’t possibly be a good idea. You have to know that, don’t you? And of course, you’d love to see something blow up, after all you have six crates of discount fireworks in your basement that you bought in the parking lot of an abandoned grocery store two days after the Fourth of July, why not put them to good use? You could just strap them all to the side of the filing cabinet with six rolls of ducktape, then pour a few gallons of gasoline over the whole thing, then light ‘er up! If you call us right now, we could come out and get that lock undone and have you moving on with your day and there wouldn’t be the slightest risk of blowing off your left thumb, and where’s the fun in that?

Finally, with all of this said, if you’re still locked out of a filing cabinet, a safe, or even your home or car, don’t try to get through the lock on your own. Give us a call today and our staff will be ready and waiting to help in whatever way we can.